Be Good to Yourself

Be Good to Yourself !

10 Common Misconceptions Dispelled

10 Common Misconceptions Dispelled — The pictures below will explain you 10 common misconceptions we take for granted. A few ones really surprised me.

Friendship Day - History

Friendship Day History -

There is not much literature on Friendship Day history as we celebrate today. However, there are numerous folktales and several instance in mythological legends that shows that friends and friendship have been valued since the beginning of civilized world. As an intrinsically social creature, men love to make friends to further this process of socialization.

History of Friendship Day in US -

Considering the valuable role friends play in our life it was deemed to fit to have a day dedicated to friends and friendship. The United States Congress, in 1935, proclaimed first Sunday of August as the National Friendship Day. Since then, celebration of National Friendship Day became an annual event. The noble idea of honoring the beautiful relationship of friendship caught on with the people and soon Friendship Day became a hugely popular festival.

Following the popularity and success of Friendship Day in US, several other countries adopted the tradition of dedicating a day to friends. Today, Friendship Day is enthusiastically celebrated by several countries across the world including India. In 1997, the United Nations named Winnie - the Pooh as the world's Ambassador of Friendship.

Importance of Friendship in Bible -

The Bible, the primary text of the western civilization, reflects upon friendship as the bond that forms the foundation to human faith, trust and companionship. Following verses from the bible aptly portray the importance of friends:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

“Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13-15

Besides, there are several tales from the Old Testament and the New Testament about the value of friendship and how true friendship is a treasure to unearth. A noticeable point is that, both the versions make a difference between the two broad meanings of friendship- one is a mere acquaintance, the other is a more affectionate relation.

In the Old Testament, Abraham is called the “friend of God” because of the intimacy of his relations. God speaks to Moses face to face “as a man…unto his friend” (Ex 33:11). The romantic friendship of Ruth and Naomi, the devotion of the subordinate Hushai for David, or the mutual relation between David and Jonathan - the Old Testament is replete with these interesting tales of friends and friendship.

In the New Testament, the relationship between Jesus and his disciples clearly depicts how human friendship can constantly grow. From being teacher and disciple, to lord and servant their relationship finally grew to an unparalleled friendship.

Importance of Friendship in Mahabharata -

In the famous Hindu epic ‘Mahabharata’, Lord Krishna demonstrates the many colors of friendship - affection, romance, brotherhood, protection, guidance, intimacy and even teasing. Friendship is all about these and much more.

Bride Groom Thoughts

For those who are Married as well
as for those who will get Married.

- Sharing a few thoughts for Would be Grooms -

Rule No. 01 -

• Never compare your mamma's cooking with your wife's. There is no faster way to dig your own grave than that.
• Please understand that your mom's cooking has the backing of 20 odd years of experience... don't expect that from your wife whose hardly into the process. What if she were to compare your earning capacity with her dad's.. So shshshhhhh..!

Rule No. 02 -

• Never go out of your way to please the lady with flowers, chocolates and gifts during your engagement period. If ever you do , please follow it up post-wedding too.
• When you could cover 20kms in 15 minutes when you are engaged just to spend some time with her, how dare you forget her birthday post - marriage, even after you are given the broadest of hints by her.
• Remember expectations always double... ever heard of them being halved?
  

Rule No. 03 -

• Do compliment her every now and then, verbally or with gifts! What are those lovely Teddies and Archies gift cards for?
• Don't sit there like the Lord Of The Rings expecting to be waited upon! Of course she will do it but everyone likes to be appreciated and pampered.

Rule No. 04 -

This is very important. Sulking or complaining about marriage being a big mistake is a strict NO -NO. You got into it with your eyes wide open, brimming with enthusiasm. No one ever pushed you into it. So why this drama now.

Rule No. 05 -

• Be Brave and take your own decisions and stand up by them.
• Consult your parents for advice but realise that you are grown up enough to lead your life.
• Respect your partner's views at all times! Remember she has given up a lot more to make a life with you!!
  

- Sharing thoughts for Would be Brides -

[Don't know how many will take it in the right sense. But still]

1. Don't expect too much from him. Less the expectations lesser the disappointments.
   
   
2. Don't ever dare to plan any outing or movie on a day when there is an interesting cricket match going on. REMEMBER SPORTS is more important to him than anything else. U spoil his day n He spoils urs .
   
3. Over Emotions, Sentiments... Woha... What are these? Tears are not going to give any results either. It's just a temp. attention tht u get. No one likes Cry Babies m Whining Wifes.
   
   
4. Never dare to cross with his mother.Even if he says "My Mom's cooking is the best. U are nothing in front of her." take it easily with a smile. Tell him tht u are learning from his mother and will try to do it better. U are not gonna lose anything.
   
   
5. Try to know his friends and understand that they are also part of his world.Allow him to spend few weekends or occasional night out parties with his friends.But at the same time make sure that u get u r due importance! It must not be tht he roams arnd with his friends forgetting that you exist at home.
   
   
6. Don't start fighting for silly things.Forgetting bthdays n Anniversaries is not a big mistake. Men are not blessed with 2 GB RAM for storing everything in main memory.If you are very particular abt present gifts n parties on u r bthdays n anniversaries. make sure u remind them well in advance by some means (I know it sounds stupid. But if u are so particular, Do it for u r own good)
   
   
7. Take him for your shopping only if he's interested.If you are going for Window Shopping or for saree purchase,Better go with your friends/go alone.He is better at office/home watching cricket.
   
   
8. Give him importance always. Show due care and affection.Tht' s the only way to win a guy's mind.

MCP FCS fights are no more valid after marriage.Trying to dominate will lead to drastic results.

Pyar Ke Side Effects

Side Effects of Love : Female Version -

Overtime - If you are in a 9-5 job, and your boyfriend goes to office from 11am-11pm, you have to do Overtime. Meaning, you sleep late, get up early.. make food after you get home (even if you have had the toughest day in your life, first cook his food).

Khaana Pakana - as much as he might be OK with you not knowing how to cook, he expects you will learn and make him some good food, if not as good as his moms (never will be), atleast something edible.

Food changes everything - His mood, his feelings for you, his opinion of you. Believe me, EVERYTHING.

His friends/ your friends – become ‘Our Friends’

‘Commitment’ – the word that scares him the most in the English dictionary.

The 2-faced man – as much as he likes you to be ‘western’ in your clothing, he would Really prefer the traditional girl in you.

The Kid - Men will always be boys. They don’t grow up..EVER.

Appreciate his brilliance from time to time - Men like to be appreciated for their ideas/ methods / conversations / advice.. Many of the brilliant conversations come after a few pegs are down.. (they may be repetitive, but, don’t notice).. So, give it to him .

Tell him who you find Hot / $exy. He doesn’t believe in the line, " Tu hi to mera sansar hai.. Aisa mera pyaar hai". He wants to know who his competition is!! (Even though there may be none).

Momma’s boy – At the end, Momma knows everything & you don’t know anything.

‘The Image” – ‘I don’t fall for ANY girl.. Girls fall for me” Poor dude, doesn’t know when reality hits him, “Chappad phaad ke deta hai”.

Most common gene - “I am emotionally stable & mature” - Yeah, and I am the princess of Narnia.

Decision Maker – he makes ALL the decisions in the house.. He decides which bank account the money comes out of – urs or mine?

Sports - “Even if the streets are filled with riots, and there is an Arsenal – Chelsea match, the match is more important.. Don’t dishturb!” Even if they don’t understand the sport, they have to watch it & make comments.

Friends - Constant comparison as to whether they are ‘Joey’ or ‘Chandler’ or ‘Ross’, and couldn’t care less about which of them you are..

The Acid test - The best Friend.

Weekend – “Life is a weekend” – it seems that they live from Sunday to Saturday, and thus you work Overtime (refer to point no. 1) during the week.. and you don’t even get any extra credit for it.

Gossip Mongrels – He wants all the gossip on your friends, but, wont accept that its gossip, coz, then, its called ‘An update’.

$moking – Time pass & a good reason to check out the women at office..

Women Effect - The ex-s, the present, mom, sister, sister-in-law, cousin sister, all the women in his life- His biggest balancing act.

Work-life balance - He is always the busy one at work.. If by any chance you are busy one day, god help you.

Flirting – He thinks it’s an art, and he knows it! Worst of all, he thinks that’s how he got you.

Fights & Makeup – Goes by the assumption that a kiss or a rose is all that you need to patch up after a fight.. I say, “Be a man”, “Mard Ban”; Lets talk.

TV Remote – What is that?

Statements you hear often from your boyfriend -

• “I have to take care of the family” – I am not family.
• “Main hoon na” – That’s the problem.
• “Who is she talking to for SO long?” – Dude, its only been 10 minutes.
• “Your phone is constantly engaged.. Who are you talking to?” (no matter what the reply, its not good enough)
• “Make tea na… Get me biscuits… Maggiiiiiii…” – Get a cook.
• “What are we doing for dinner tonight?” - Like I have a say in the matter.
• “Uff.. How much Shopping will you do?” – even when the last time you went Shopping was 3 months back.

To the men reading this post - We all know the reality of the situation, so, lets not be justfying anything said here.

To the women reading this post - Have I left out any important points?

Disclaimer – this is a collection of thoughts from women with boyfriends & not about anybody in particular. Any coincidence with my friends’ behaviors with their girlfriends is purely coincidental.

A Life Partner

Golden Rules for Finding Your Life Partner -

by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

Question - 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:

1. You can grow together, or
2. You can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line - Marry someone who wants the same thing.

Question - 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

Question - 3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world -

1. People who are dedicated to personal growth and
2. People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

Question - 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

Question - 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another Perspective -

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay Attention -

• Which ones lift and which ones lean?
• Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
• Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
• When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
• Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

• Do you bring out the best in each other?
• Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
• What do you bring to the relationship?
• Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
• You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS -

1. Trust
2. Communication
3. Intimacy
4. A Sense of Humor
5. Sharing Tasks
6. Some get away time without Business or Children.
7. Daily Exchanges (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
8. Sharing Common Goals & Interests.
9. Giving each other space to grow without feeling Insecure.
10. Giving each other a sense of Belonging & Assurances of Commitment.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

• Life starts with a Voice but ends with Silence
• Love starts with a Fear but ends with Tears
• Friendship starts Anywhere and ends Nowhere

Praise of India - Quotations

- In Praise of India: Top 10 Famous Quotations -

1. Will Durant [American historian] - "India was the motherland of our race, and Sanskrit the mother of Europe's languages: she was the mother of our philosophy; mother, through the Arabs, of much of our mathematics; mother, through the Buddha, of the ideals embodied in Christianity; mother, through the village community, of self-government and democracy. Mother India is in many ways the mother of us all".
   
   
2. Mark Twain [American author] - "India is, the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only."
   
   
3. Albert Einstein [American scientist] - "We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made."
   
   
4. Max Mueller [German scholar] - If I were asked under what sky the human mind has most fully developed some of its choicest gifts, has most deeply pondered on the greatest problems of life, and has found solutions, I should point to India.
   
   
5. Romain Rolland [French scholar] - "If there is one place on the face of earth where all the dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days when man began the dream of existence, it is India."
   
   
6. Hu Shih [former Ambassador of China to USA] - "India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single soldier across her border."
   
   
7. Mark Twain - "So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked."
   
   
8. Keith Bellows [VP - National Geographic Society] - "There are some parts of the world that, once visited, get into your heart and won't go. For me, India is such a place. When I first visited, I was stunned by the richness of the land, by its lush beauty and exotic architecture, by its ability to overload the senses with the pure, concentrated intensity of its colors, smells, tastes, and sounds... I had been seeing the world in black & white and, when brought face-to-face with India, experienced everything re-rendered in brilliant technicolor."
   
   
9. Mark Twain - "India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire."
   
   
10. A Rough Guide to India - "It is impossible not to be astonished by India. Nowhere on Earth does humanity present itself in such a dizzying, creative burst of cultures and religions, races and tongues. Enriched by successive waves of migration and marauders from distant lands, every one of them left an indelible imprint which was absorbed into the Indian way of life. Every aspect of the country presents itself on a massive, exaggerated scale, worthy in comparison only to the superlative mountains that overshadow it. It is this variety which provides a breathtaking ensemble for experiences that is uniquely Indian. Perhaps the only thing more difficult than to be indifferent to India would be to describe or understand India completely. There are perhaps very few nations in the world with the enormous variety that India has to offer. Modern day India represents the largest democracy in the world with a seamless picture of unity in diversity unparalleled anywhere else."

10 Commandments

- 10 Commandments for the Adults -

This is Worth Reading over & over again followed by Course of Action

1. Face and accept the reality of getting old, its consequences and the limitations which growing old brings. Act and behave your age. Quit fooling yourself by trying to look like you were in your youth.
   
   
2. Focus on enjoying people, not on indulging in or accumulating material things.
   
   
3. Plan to spend whatever you have saved. You deserve to enjoy it and the few healthy years you have left. Travel if you can afford it. Don't leave anything for your children or loved ones to quarrel about. By leaving anything, you may even cause more trouble when you Are gone.
   
   
4. Live in the here and now, not in the yesterdays and tomorrows. It is only today that you can handle. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may not even happen
   
   
5. Enjoy your grandchildren (if you are blessed with any) but don't be their full time baby sitter. You have no moral obligation to take care of them.
   
   Don't have any guilt about refusing to baby sit anyone's kids, including your own grandkids. Your parental obligation is to your children. After you have raised them into responsible adults, your duties of child-rearing and babysitting are finished. Let your children raise their own off-springs.
   
   
6. Accept physical weakness, sickness and other physical pains. It is a part of the aging process. Enjoy whatever your health can allow.
   
   
7. Enjoy what you are and what you have right now. Stop working hard for what you do not have. If you do not have them, it's probably too late.
   
   
8. Just enjoy your life with your spouse, children, grandchildren and friends. People, who truly love you, love you for yourself, not for what you have. Anyone who loves you for what you have will just give you misery.
   
   
9. Forgive and accept forgiveness. Forgive yourself and others. Enjoy peace of mind and peace of soul.
   
   
10. Befriend death. It's a natural part of the life cycle. Don't be afraid of it. Death is the beginning of a new and better life. So, prepare yourself not for death but for a new life.

A Wonderful Message

- A wonderful Message -

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

• We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
• We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
• We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
• We dr!nk too much, sm0ke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
• We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
• We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
• We've added years to life not life to years.
  
  
• We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
• We conquered outer space but not inner space.
• We've done larger things, but not better things.
• We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
• We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
  
  
• We write more, but learn less.
• We plan more, but accomplish less.
• We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
• We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
  
  
• These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
• These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
• These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
• It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
• A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
  
  
• Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
• Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
• Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
• Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.
• A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
• Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Celebration Means

- Celebrations Means -

Celebration means......

• A winter evening.
• Four friends.
• One barsaat.
• Four glasses of chai.

Celebration means......

• Hundred bucks of petrol.
• A rusty old bike.
• And an open road.

Celebration means......

• Maggi noodles.
• A hostel room.
• 4.25 a.m.

Celebration means......

• 3 old friends.
• 3 separate cities.
• 3 coffee mugs.
• 1 internet messenger.

Celebration means......

• Rain on a hot tin roof.
• Pakoras deep-frying.
• Neighbours dropping in.
• A party.

Celebration means......

• You and mom.
• A summer night.
• A bottle of coconut oil.
• A head massage.
• Gossiping about absent family members.

You can spend Hundreds on birthdays, Thousands on festivals, Millions on weddings, but to celebrate all you have to do is spend your Time with your loved ones.
Keep in touch with your loved ones & Celebrate.

Good Relationship

- 10 Ways to Build a Good Relationship -

• BE A MAN OF YOUR WORD
  A successful and strong relationship is one that is built on trust and dependability. If you tell a woman that you are going to do something, she will expect you to keep that commitment. Whether it's a date you've made for dinner, a promise to water her plants while she's on vacation, or a resolution to give up smoking, keeping a pledge is crucial in developing and nurturing a solid foundation for the future. Even if it is something that seems insignificant to you in the big scheme of things (i.e., returning a library book for her on your way home from work), a succession of forgetful moments will diminish her faith in you. Accordingly, if every time you promise to do something triggers a reaction on her part to have a Plan B just in case, it is only a matter of time before she starts seeking out a new companion with a better track record for reliability. Never make a promise unless it is one that you know you can keep.
• SHOW HER RESPECT
  If you want to keep a special woman in your life, you need to not only let her know that you put her on a pedestal but that you are willing to defend her honor to be there. This means that you don't engage in gossip or divulge confidences, that you don't criticize or belittle her, and that your love life isn't an open book to anyone who's nosey. If up until now your priority has been to spend all your free hours with your football buddies, you may need to start rethinking your agenda. A woman who always takes second, third or last place to other relationships in your life isn't going to stay in the picture for very long. Showing respect also means fidelity to the relationship if you've both made a commitment to monogamy. If you can't stay faithful, you owe her the respect of freeing her to meet someone who will appreciate and honor the treasure that she is.
• LEAVE YOUR BAGGAGE AT THE DOOR
  The last thing a woman wants is a whiner who does nothing but bemoan the fact that all of her predecessors--and probably life in general--treated him badly. While it's one thing for her to be initially sympathetic, it's draining to listen to the same sob stories day after day. Keep in mind that the more time you spend dwelling on the past, the less energy you'll have to spend building a new future. This also goes for men who talk incessantly about past relationships that were good. Whether the split came about as the result of death or divorce, women don't like to compete with the Ghosts of Relationships Past.
• ACCEPT HER AS SHE IS
  Maybe your beloved would look better if she lost a couple pounds. Maybe she should update that hairdo and go for something snazzier. Maybe she'd look better on your arm if she wore different clothes. If you find yourself keeping a list of all the things she should be doing, you may be looking for a makeover project instead of a girlfriend or future wife. What you need to ask yourself is whether your barrage of suggestions is really meant to help her or to reinvent her into someone who would better define who you think you are. Women--and men--want to know that they're loved for themselves, not for an idealistic image that may be difficult to obtain. There's a right way and a wrong way to recommend improvement. To imply that you could love her more if she didn't have quite so many flaws is definitely the wrong way.
• DON'T BE POSSESSIVE
  Do you call your girlfriend every hour of the day? Do you demand a thorough accounting of what she’s doing and who she’s seeing whenever she’s not with you? Are you purposely driving a wedge between her and her family and friends so you won’t have to share her? Do you discourage her from doing activities she really loves because you resent that you’re not a part of it? If your behavior fits these descriptions, it’s not love; it’s obsession. In concert with the advice to treat your lady with proper respect, you need to allow her the freedom to have time to spend on herself. Jealousy and possessiveness are unhealthy in any relationship and communicate that you are insecure, clingy, and potentially violent if you’re not the center of attention.
• DON'T RUSH ROMANCE
  If you want a strong love connection, you need to start out with an equally strong “like” connection. It’s easy to rush headlong into a permanent relationship when you’re more excited about the prospect of being half of a couple than in enjoying the journey of discovering the things you have in common. Even if you’re sure that this is truly love at first sight and you don’t want to waste any time getting her in bed or off to the altar, a partnership that is meant to last will have a better chance if the man and woman invest in the value of friendship with one another. Consider the qualities and traits you admire in the people to whom you are close and apply those same tests in picking the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.
• PAY ATTENTION
  Being a good partner means being a conscientious listener. It means not talking about yourself so much that she can never get a word in edgewise. It means that when she hints she’d really like a certain sweater for her birthday you don’t go out and buy her a CD of your favorite R&B singer instead. It also means that you’re sensitive to her moods, that you take an interest in projects she’s doing at work or problems she’s currently having with her siblings, and that you actually notice (and take action) if you see that one of her tires is low or that she comments on a new restaurant she’d like to try. Pay attention to the calendar, too. Remembering birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions demonstrates that she’s important enough to you that you know how to plan ahead.
• TRY NEW THINGS
  Show an open mind when it comes to trying out new foods, activities, or ideas. While the two of you don’t have to share the same passion for every single thing that comes along, she’s far more likely to accompany you to a monster truck rally someday if you’ve accompanied her to a performance of the ballet. The fact that you show the willingness and curiosity to see what something is about instead of flatly dismissing it as stupid will accrue huge points in the sensitivity department. Why? Men and women tend to interpret the rejection of an idea as a rejection of them personally, a condition that will only fester with the passage of time. It should also be understood between the two of you that if the new whatever isn’t a good fit, it won’t continue to linger as a bone of contention. Trying it once—and respecting the outcome— is the most that either of you can ask.
• SHARE THE WORK
  In today’s society, there is no such thing as “a woman’s job” or “a man’s job.” The fact that both parties put in a full day of work shouldn’t mean that it’s always the female’s job to cook the meals, set the table, wash the dishes and do the laundry. You may not be a gourmet chef but that shouldn’t stop you from picking up and dishing out Chinese food. Your gender also shouldn’t inhibit you from running the vacuum cleaner, walking the dog, or helping put postage stamps on the wedding invitations.
• CELEBRATE THE ORDINARY
  Too many couples make the mistake of only pulling out all the stops for each other on vacations and special holidays. The rest of the time, they’re taking each other for granted. While it’s easy to say, “I love you” against an exotic backdrop or go overboard buying presents on Valentine’s Day, a happy relationship is one that celebrates itself every day of the year. Buy her a card “just because.” Schedule date nights…and keep them! Give her a foot rub when she’s had a rough day. Bring her lunch in bed and a favorite DVD when she’s under the weather. Let her know on a regular basis that she’s not only the love of your life but also the best friend you could ever have. Most of all, remember that “happily ever after” isn’t a destination but a journey to be taken hand in hand and heart to heart.

Raise ur Self Esteem

Twelve Valuable Steps to Raise Your Self Esteem -

As adults, we can choose the messages we accept or reject. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."
Building high self-esteem is a process, not something you can develop overnight," says Jeffrey Keller. "Yet, I believe every person has the capacity of high self-esteem. The question is, are you ready to make a commitment to increase your self-esteem?"

If your answer is yes, here are 12 steps to get you started -

• Step One
  Stop comparing yourself with other people. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. If you play the comparison game, you'll run into too many "opponents" you can't defeat.
  
• Step Two -
  Stop putting yourself down. You can't develop high self-esteem if you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities. Whether speaking about your appearances, your career, your relationships, your financial situation, or any other aspects of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments.
  
• Step Three -
  Accept all compliments with "thank you." Ever received a compliment and replied," Oh, it was nothing." When you reject a compliment, the message you give yourself is that you are not worthy of praise. Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You."
  
• Step Four -
  Use affirmations to enhance your self-esteem. On the back of a business card or small index card, write out a statement such as "I like and accept my self." or "I am valuable, lovable person and deserve the best in life." Carry the card with you. Repeat the statement several times during the day, especially at night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning. Whenever you say the affirmation, allow yourself to experience positive feelings about your statement.
  
• Step Five -
  Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem. Whatever material you allow to dominate mind will eventually take root and affect your behavior. If you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. Similarly, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.
  
• Step Six -
  Associate with positive, supportive people. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem is lowered. On the other hand, when you are accepted and encouraged, you feel better about yourself in the best possible environment to raise your self-esteem.
  
• Step Seven -
  Make a list of your past successes. This doesn't necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments. It can include your "minor victories," like learning to skate, graduating from high school, receiving an award or promotion, reaching a business goal, etc. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.
  
• Step Eight -
  Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it's important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn't working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you'll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.
  
• Step Nine -
  Start giving more. I'm not talking about money. Rather, I mean that you must begin to give more of yourself to those around your. When you do things for others, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which, in turn, lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem.
  
• Step Ten -
  Get involved in work and activities you love. It's hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you despise. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. Even if you can't explore alternative career options at the present time, you can still devote leisure time to hobbies and activities, which you find stimulating and enjoyable.
  
• Step Eleven -
  Be true to yourself. Live your own life - not the life others have decided is best for you. You'll never gain your own respect and feel good about yourself if you aren't leading the life you want to lead. If you're making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren't being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.
  
• Step Twelve -
  Take action! You won't develop high self-esteem if you sit on the sidelines and back away from challenges. When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you'll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.

The "real you" is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to others. As your self-esteem grows, this "real you" emerges. You begin to take more risks and not be afraid of failure; you aren't as concerned with getting approval of others; your relationships are much more rewarding; you pursue activities that bring you joy and satisfaction; and you will make a positive contribution to the world. Most importantly, high self esteem brings you peace of mind .when you're alone, you truly appreciate the person you're with - yourself.

A Good BF

- How to be a Good BoyFriend -

Getting a girlfriend isn’t so hard, but keeping one is. To be a good boyfriend, you have to have good relationship skills. You have to be willing to make sacrifices for the woman that you are with, and you have to be trustworthy. Your priority should be making your girlfriend happy. Here are some tips for being the best boyfriend you can be:

• ONLY THE HONEST WILL SURVIVE
  Obviously, a good boyfriend does not cheat on his girlfriend. That’s a pretty basic rule, but it is also very important that you remember not to break it. Some men feel that being in a monogamous relationship is extremely difficult. Men are praised by society and the media when they’re able to be with multiple women at one time – they are fondly referred to as “players” and “ladies men.” And women, on the other hand, are labeled “sluts” and “whores.” It is a complete double standard. Either a man or woman is in the wrong if they decide to be unfaithful to their relationship. Cheating is wrong, it is hurtful, and it is detrimental to trust. If you cheat on your girlfriend, she’s going to have a very hard time forgiving you. If she does forgive you, she is always going to have a very hard time trust in you. It will almost certainly ruin your relationship. The foundation of a healthy relationship has to be trust, and without it, a relationship cannot thrive. If you don’t think that you are going to be able to resist the temptation of sleeping with other women when you are in a relationship with one woman, then you need to get out of the relationship. Sneaking around, even if you don’t think that you’re going to get caught, is very wrong. Do not try to convince yourself that the occasional non-emotional fling is acceptable male behavior. One night stands still absolutely constitute infidelity. Think about it this way: how would you feel if you were to discover that your girlfriend had a one night stand on her girls’ night out? If you are mature enough to be in a relationship, then you are mature enough to be faithful to your lady. While cheating is a major league form of lying, almost any type of dishonesty is unacceptable if you are trying to be a good boyfriend. The one question that you should always say ‘no’ to regardless of your honest opinion: “Does this outfit make me look fat?”
• BE ROMANTIC
  If you believe that chivalry is dead, then you are not on the path to becoming a good boyfriend. You have to be romantic, sweet, and thoughtful to your girlfriend. You have to come up with creative ways to show her how much you love her and how much you care. Even after the two of you have been together for an extended period of time, you still have to take her out on dates – wine and dine her. Don’t forget to tell her how beautiful you think she is – believe me, she will never get sick of hearing it. Open the car door for her – it’s not old fashioned, it’s being a good boyfriend. Leave romantic notes for her, get her flowers for no particular occasion, or call her at work just to tell her that you are thinking about or that you’re looking for to seeing her later today. You have to continuously show her how much she means to you – you cannot take her love for granted. Keeping the romance alive is an integral part of being a good boyfriend.
• GET INTERESTED
  Generally speaking, women talk a lot more than men do. They talk about their feelings, and they want you to talk about yours. While you might not find the subjects incredibly interesting, they are incredibly important to your relationship, and you need to realize that. When your girlfriend wants to talk to you about something, you have to listen. And not only do you have to listen, but you have to be an active participant in the conversation – monosyllabic answers are not good boyfriend material. When she asks you what your feelings are about a particular issue, tell her. Don’t say “I don’t know” and never respond with an unintelligible grunt. Just tell her, honestly, how you feel. When the two of you are out shopping and she is trying on outfits, try to get interested. When she is telling you about her friends, get interested. If something is important to her, it should be important to you. Plus, if you pay attention to the things that are important to her, she will do the same for you. A good relationship is a give and take, and to be a good boyfriend you’ll have to give as much as you are planning to take.
• SEND FLOWERS AND GIFTS
  Apart from all above tips, girls always welcome flowers and gifts on different occasions even if there is no special occasion. A red rose is still what your girl friend loves. Flowers represents and express feelings in the variety of ways by sending different combinations of bouquet. You may want to acquaint with the colors and combination of roses to send.

Reasons to Break up with BF

1. YOU ARE AFTER TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS -
   A relationship cannot survive if the two parties involved are not after the same things. If you want to be in a serious committed relationship, but your boyfriend is thinking of it as a more casual type of situation, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t put yourself in the perfect position to get hurt. If you are looking for a potential husband, then you should be dating a man who is looking to settle down. If you are focused on your career right now and not on fostering a long-term romance, then you shouldn’t be with a man who is focused on taking your relationship to the next level of commitment. It doesn’t make any sense to pair yourself up with a guy who has different intentions than you do. After you have been dating someone exclusively for a while, you should have a talk about where your relationship is headed and where both of you want to see it going. The reason that you should wait a little while, like a couple of months, before you have the “where is this relationship headed” talk is because you need to give yourself time to figure out your feelings, and so does your boyfriend. Until the two of you have established yourselves as a couple, it is too soon to make a judgment about your desires for the future. Remember, just because you decide that you think that this relationship is worth taking to the next level, that doesn’t mean that the relationship is certainly going to last – it just means that you are both willing to find out. If you have the talk and you find out that he is not interested in making things more serious and you are, then you will be able to spare yourself of further hurt feelings by ending the relationship. If you don’t talk about what the two of you want, then you are going to wind up putting your heart on your sleeve for nothing. Even if the talk doesn’t go the way you wished it would have, it is still better to find out what your boyfriend’s intentions are so that you don’t waste your time in a relationship with someone who is not on the same page as you.
   
2. ABUSE -
   You should never stay in a relationship with a man who is physically or emotionally abusive towards you. Physical abuse is not something that you should forgive under any circumstances – you are worth far more than a relationship that involves domestic violence. Your boyfriend may apologize until he is red in the face, but you have to stay strong and put yourself first. If he hit you once, then you have absolutely no reason to believe him when he tells you that it will never happen again, and you should not stick around to find out. Second chances are not something that should be afforded to everyone, and violent situations are a prime example of the unforgivable when it comes to a romantic relationship. You deserve better – you deserve someone who will respect you and your safety – not someone who endangers you. If you are worried that your boyfriend will become physically abusive when you break it off, then do it in a well lit public place, and be prepared to call the police. If he threatens you, you should immediately call the authorities and get a restraining order of protection against him so that your safety is not compromised. Emotional abuse can hurt just as bad as the physical kind. If your boyfriend is constantly berating you and putting you down, you should break up with him right away. If he tries to control your life by keeping tabs on your every move and monitoring your interactions with family and friends, then you need to get out of the relationship. You are in the boss of you, no matter what. Your boyfriend has no right whatsoever to dictate your existence and you need to respect yourself enough to leave a man who tries to control and hurt you.
   
3. LACK OF TRUST -
   If your relationship lacks trust, then you are better off without the relationship. Honesty is the most important policy for a happy couple. It is very hard to get over deception. If you are suspicious that your boyfriend has not been faithful to you, then how are you going to enjoy your time together? First off, figure out why you don’t trust your boyfriend. If it is because you have had boyfriends cheat on you in the past, then you might be behaving unfairly. You can not transfer your mistrust of one man to another. You have to work on your ability to trust. If, on the other hand, you have caught your boyfriend in lies or he has been exhibiting signs of infidelity, or if he has cheated in the past and you forgave him but suspect he is up to his old tricks again, then you should break up with him. Trying to love someone that you do not trust will make you become a jealous and insecure person, and that is not who you want to be.

Laws of Success

• Do you want something -- Will you pay the price.
• The great sin -- Gossip.
• The great crippler -- Fear.
• The greatest mistake -- Giving up.
• The most satisfying experience -- Doing your duty first.
• The best action -- Keep the mind clear and judgment good.
• The greatest blessing -- Good health.
• The biggest fool - The man who lies to himself.
• The great gamble -- Substituting hope for facts.
• The most certain thing in life -- Change.
• The greatest joy -- Being needed.
• The cleverest man -- The one who does what he thinks is right.
• The most potent force -- Positive thinking.
• The greatest opportunity -- The next one.
• The greatest thought -- God.
• The greatest victory -- Victory over self.
• The best play -- Successful work.
• The greatest handicap -- Egotism.
• The most expensive indulgence -- Hate.
• The most dangerous man -- The liar.
• The most ridiculous trait -- False pride.
• The greatest loss -- Loss of self confidence.
• The greatest need -- Common sense.

Winner vs. Loser

• Winners have dreams;
  Losers have schemes.
• Winners see the grains;
  Losers see the pain.
• Winners see the potential;
  Losers see the past.
• Winners make it happen;
  Losers let it happen.
• Winners see possibilities;
  Losers see problems.
• Winners makes commitments;
  Losers makes promises.
• Winners are a part of the team;
  Losers are apart from the team.
• Winner always has a programmed
  Loser always has an excuse.
• Winner says "Let me do it for you";
  Loser says "That is not my job".
• Winners say "I must do something";
  Losers say "Something must be done".
• Winner is always a part of the answer;
  Loser is always a part of the problem.
• Winner sees an answer for every problem;
  Loser sees a problem for every answer.
• Winners believe in win/win;
  Loser believe for them to win, someone has to lose.
• Winner says "It may be difficult but it is possible";
  Loser says "It may be possible but it is too difficult".
• Winner makes a mistake. He says "I was wrong";
  Loser makes a mistake; he says "It wasn't my fault".

Value of Time

• To realize The value of four years:
  Ask a graduate.
• To realize The value of one year:
  Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.
• To realize The value of nine months:
  Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
• To realize The value of one month:
  Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby.
• To realize The value of one week:
  Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
• To realize The value of one hour:
  Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
• To realize The value of one minute:
  Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
• To realize The value of one-second:
  Ask a person Who has survived an accident.
• To realize The value of one millisecond:
  Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics
• Time waits for no one.
  Treasure every moment you have.
• You will treasure it even more when
  you can share it with someone special.
• To realize the value of a friend: Lose one

Few Habits of Incompetent People

7 Destructive Habits of Incompetent People

WARNING! If you want to have a fantastic life, never engage yourself in these 7 deadly habits that incompetent people do.

Number 1 - They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things.
Yup. They see problems in every opportunity.
They complain that the sun is too hot. They cursed the rain for ruining their plans for the day. They blame the wind for ruining their hair.
They think that everyone is against them. They see the problems but never the solutions.
Every little bit of difficulty is exaggerated to the point of tragedy. They regard failures as catastrophes. They become discouraged easily instead of learning from their mistakes.
They never seem to move forward because they're always afraid to come out of their comfort zones.

Number 2 - They Act Before They Think.
They move based on instinst or impulse. If they see something they like, they buy at once without any second thought.
Then they see something better. They regret & curse for not able to take advantage of the bargain.
Then they spend & spend again until nothing's left. They don't think about the future. What they're after is the pleasure they will experience at present.
They don't think about the consequenses. Those who engage in unsafe sex, criminality, and the like are included in this group.

Number 3 - They Talk Much More Than They Listen
They want to be the star of the show. So they always engage in talks that would make them heroes, even to the point of lying.
Oftentimes they are not aware that what they're saying is not sensible anymore.
When other people advise them, they close their ears because they're too proud to admit their mistakes.
In their mind they're always correct. They reject suggestions because that will make them feel inferior.

Number 4 - They Give Up Easily
Successful people treat failures as stepping stones to success.
Incompetent ones call it quits upon recognizing the first signs of failure.
At first, they may be excited to start an endeavor. But then they lose interest fairly quickly, especially when they encounter errors.
Then they go & search for a new one. Same story & same results. Incompetent people don't have the persistence to go on and fulfill their dreams.

Number 5 - They Try to Bring Others Down To Their Level
Incompetent people envy other successful individuals. Instead of working hard to be like them, these incompetent ones spread rumors and try every dirty trick to bring them down.
They could've asked these successful ones nicely. But no, they're too proud. They don't want to ask advise. Moreover, they're too negative to accomplish anything.

Number 6 - They Waste Their Time
They don't know what to do next. They may just be contented on eating, getting drunk, watching TV, or worse, staring at the blank wall with no thoughts whatsoever to improve their lives.
It's perfectly fine to enjoy once in a while. But time should be managed efficiently in order to succeed. There should be a proper balance between work & pleasure.

Number 7 - They Take the Easy Way Out
If there are two roads to choose from, incompetent people would choose the wider road with less rewards than the narrower road with much better rewards at the end.
They don't want any suffering or hardship. They want a good life.
What these people don't know is that what you reap is what you sow. Efforts & action will not go unnoticed.
If only they would be willing to sacrifice a little, they would be much better off.
Successful people made it through trials & error. They never give up. They are willing to do everything necessary to achieve what they aspire for in life.

ABCD of Happiness

A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.

B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.

C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.

D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.

E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.

F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.

H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.

I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.

J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.

K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.

M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.

N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.

O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.

P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.

Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.

R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.

S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.

T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.

U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.

V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.

W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.

X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.

Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.

Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.